My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
