if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
