Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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