you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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