remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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