Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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