somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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