I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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