My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
