You really coming over, don't trick.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
