I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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