Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
