so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am spending my child support on dildos
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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