So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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