Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
