I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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