i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
