We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
