So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
