I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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