Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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