he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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