I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
