Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
