My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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