Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
