So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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