Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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