So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
