I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
