At least make sure they are 18
Why
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
