chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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