Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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