don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
