Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
