i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
