If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
