I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
