So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
