There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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