i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
