i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
