that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
