Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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