I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
