I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
