She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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