I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
this is an emotional support booty call
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
