So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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