You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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