Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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