i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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