I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
