I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
