I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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