Where did you get a picture of my penis
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
