I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
