better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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